


good, even.

by geekinthehoodie



Series: R, u ok? [2]
Category: Les Misérables (2012), Les Misérables - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Character Study, First Kiss, Grantaire Angst, M/M, Self-Doubt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-09
Updated: 2018-08-09
Packaged: 2019-06-24 12:18:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 896
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15630540
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/geekinthehoodie/pseuds/geekinthehoodie
Summary: A part of him, a fucking idiotic part of him, thought that kissing Enjolras would take away all the white noise he constantly hears. A part of him thought that he’d reach some kind of inner peace and tranquillity. He thought that it would be a new chapter for them. For him. He didn’t think it would just make him so much more confused.They kissed in a parking lot on a Wednesday night. They grabbed a drink together, they shared a smoke. They talked for hours, they kissed for what seemed like forever.the one were R is a Romantic but also painfully insecure





	good, even.

**Author's Note:**

> or  
>  _R thinks being with enjolras will fix everything. it doesn't._
> 
> or  
>  _another one where i pretend that this isn't really a story about me_

Enjolras kissed him.

They kissed. They kissed in a parking lot on a Wednesday night. They grabbed a drink together, they shared several cigarettes. They talked for hours, they kissed for, what seemed, like forever. It might have been five minutes, it could have been five hours. Enjolras called him cute, he agreed with a cocky smirk. Enjolras rolled his eyes and they laughed. He pulled R in for another kiss. It was nice.

Good, even.

_[Or did he kiss Enjolras?_

_Grantaire goaded him into kissing him. He annoyed him into kissing him. He can’t forget the little groan of annoyance and the huff of indignation Enjolras made before the blond grabbed his face. Grantaire could definitely tell that it was out obligation because R was being a brat and was practically forcing himself onto Enjolras._

_He knows the exact moment that Enjolras remembers that he’s just a drunk without a plan or a future._

_He knows Enjolras feels disgust. He remembers the alcohol on both of their breaths._

_Oh god._

_It wasn’t a real kiss was it? It was just a drunken mistake. Enjolras didn’t really want him. Jesus fucking Christ, did he take advantage of Enjolras? Fuck, did he?_

_He remembers Apollo rolling his eyes when they pulled apart. He remembers the feeling of him pulling way. He remembers the anger in his eyes and the way he couldn’t believe that he just kissed the pathetic excuse of a---]_

Their relationship is different now.

It’s like the air is sizzling around Grantaire’s eyes whenever he sees him. He feels light when he sees Enjolras. It feels like too many shots of espresso after a bout of insomnia. His heart wants to leap out of his chest whenever Enjolras beams up at him and waves to him from afar.

[ _It feels like a migraine when R sees him. Feels like his heart collapsing because he knows he made a mistake that Wednesday night. Enjolras is being polite, that’s why he’s waving him over._

 _Grantaire chooses to walk away instead.]_  

They don’t hang out much anymore.  And that’s ok. It was a nice kiss.

Good, even.

_[They see each other the day after. Grantaire spots him outside their apartment building smoking. R couldn’t go the other way and he could tell Enjolras wanted nothing to do with him._

_He treats R like an old client. He politely offers him a cigarette and they smoke while making small talk about shit that doesn’t matter. At this point, they should be talking about everything and anything, but this is different._

_The air is different._

_God, Enjolras hates him. He never wants to see him again. Fuck, he shouldn’t have kissed him. He shouldn’t have even fucking thought about it.]_

People have been asking him why he’s been avoiding Enjolras. People have been telling him that he wants to talk to him. Grantaire always, always smirks and cracks a joke; pretty sure he can’t get enough of me.

_[He’s pretty sure he can’t get enough of Enjolras. He can’t bear the idea that he doesn’t feel the same. He’s been hiding from him because he shouldn’t have kissed him. He’s afraid that if they see each other again, Apollo will ask him to leave him alone and never talk to him again._

_Grantaire knows he’ll do anything for Enjolras.]_

His friends ask him about the kiss that was years in the making. His crush was no big secret. Everybody wanted to know what happened. Was it everything you ever dreamed it would be? Was it amazing? Fucking spectacular? Was it so goddamn beautiful?

Grantaire will shrug, say meh. He had fun. It was satisfying. It was nice.

Good, even.

_[A part of him, a fucking idiotic part of him, thought that kissing Enjolras would take away all the white noise he constantly hears. A part of him thought that he’d reach some kind of inner peace and tranquillity. He thought that it would be a new chapter for them. For him. He didn’t think it would just make him so much more confused._

**They kissed in a parking lot on a Wednesday night. They grabbed a drink together, they shared a smoke. They talked for hours, they kissed for what seemed like forever.** _]_

Grantaire will always have that kiss. The kind of kiss that he tells his friends because, let’s be real, everyone knows about his crush on Enjolras. He treats it like a conquest, like a prize he had won after years and years of pining. Tells it like a tale of atonement.

_[It felt like a benediction. Like it was a blessing from the gods. An apology from the universe for his shitty life. A part of him likes to think it was a thank you from Enjolras himself.]_

It was the kind of kiss that he’ll try to mimic in some dive bar with some blond with nice tits or a big cock, but the wrong smile and the wrong eyes and the wrong laugh. The kind of kiss he’ll look for when he’s dead drunk, hand down his pants, lonely and in the dark.

It was a nice kiss.

Good, even.

_[It was amazing. Fucking spectacular. It was so goddamn beautiful. It was…_

_great, even.]_

He’ll always have that kiss. The kiss he stole from the man of his dreams. It was nice.

Good, even.


End file.
